It's been 5 weeks since the big move to the farm. We moved from protection island where we were living at my mom's cabin (where Patrick is still living during the week because he needs the internet for work). Now, the kids and I (the big kids when they are not at their dad's) have moved into a 30 foot 1980s trailer on the property. The trailer is a donation (for a few months) from my uncle and we are more grateful than ever. This thing is old though... The hot water tank had a fire in it and started spewing boiling water after the first week so since then we have been showering at the gracious neighbour's house in his outdoor shower (I love it and have since ordered one at our place). The screens have fallen out and the door doesn't lock, but it's home and we've settled right in.
It hit me the other night as I stood under the moon while taking my nighttime pee, that I was experiencing a feeling new to me.... contentedness. I've been happy, don't get me wrong, but there was always this undercurrent of searching for that thing or place that would make feel settled. I have felt myself literally melting into this place. I did yoga today outside by the pond. The dogs visited me and so did my kid and even still.... Bliss! I turned upside down in Bridge Pose and looked upside down at the trees as a bird flew by. I heard a woodpecker and spied it in the old wildlife tree. I watched it as it knocked for breakfast and then flew off to another tree to sit and watch the happenings below.
Like many, I still have that nagging expectation of 'doing'. As I spend my days with my little guy, doing the simple tasks of camping-living while being available for decisions or consultations about the house, it all feels so easy. I know that I'm not working much and the bulk of financially supporting my family does not currently fall on me, but I have created this for myself. I have felt my Soul "drag me by the scruff of the neck" as my acupuncturist likes to say. I felt that pull to this farm in my heart like someone who has decided it's time for a baby. It became an ache, a hard constant tug on my mind and heart so I couldn't forget about it. I did often think that this searching, this feeling of unsettledness, was within me and that I just needed to find my grounding or my 'home' within that I could have with me at all times. This is an important grounded ideal that we can all work towards, but sometimes there is a place as part of our destiny and we won't feel settled until we are there. My feelings are proof of this for me. I am just a human experiment for my own intellectual, curious pleasure.
The difference in me is palpable. Maybe others don't notice it yet, but they will. It is a subtle shift on the outside, but an incredible transformation on the inside. Those intermittent waves of anxiety that used to run through me just don't exist very often anymore. That waking at 3am after a dream of being chased with the feeling like I had no blood or feeling left in my feet, are not happening. Difficulties that I may not have put much thought to and saw as a part of life have faded away. I had a psychic say to me... Once you are settled in your new home, you will find all those nagging health things like digestion difficulties or tiredness or back problems, will slowly just fade away as you relax into the land. That is exactly what is happening.
I don't want to put out the message that everyone needs to change their outside situation to feel better on the inside. I do, however, believe that we all have to follow that call of our Soul. Last week when I was doing tarot readings, there was a theme (there is always a theme throughout the readings of one day). The theme of that day was...Reveal your Wild Self. This is what I wish for all, just pay a little more attention to the whisper of your Soul today. When you are listening to your Soul, your whole self will feel much more settled. One of the ways that our Souls whisper to us is through anxiety or feelings of unsettledness. When people start to feel really stuck or trapped or even depressed, there is a very good chance that this a result of you standing apart from your Soul. The more aligned your daily life is with your Soul, the happier your body (which is your messenger always!) will be.
How do I get more in line with my Soul when I have no idea what it's saying you ask?
Answer: Listen closely.... Slow down! Simplify your life. Spend more time in nature. Take time each day to listen to what your heart is saying and write it down. Meditate. Do more things that bring you Joy! Expect wonder and magic in your life. Start changing your life by changing your energy through chakra work and medicine horse therapy!! Blessings and enjoy the moments of the journey!