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Truth’ is the message of today from Me to me. I asked my Soul why my neck is so dang tight and painful causing these huge headaches that I can feel come directly from my tight neck?? I know that our body is a messenger and it is our job to listen closely to what she is saying for us to be in alignment. When something is hurting, she is sending us a clear sign that something is out of whack! My body is telling me that in some way (or in many ways), I am standing apart from my Soul. She is seeing a situation one way and I might be seeing it another way. I know this is true because I am neither enlightened or dead. I am working on the first one every day, though!! So I ask my Soul. What? Where am I not listening to you? In what aspect of my life am I not seeing what you see?

She says, “Truth.” I get it. Neck, throat chakra, clear expression of self. Dang. This is one of my big life lessons. When I was 4, I had surgery to remove an extra bump on the front of my throat, then later I had 2 consecutive car accidents which resulted in much neck pain. Then, 2 years ago, I banged my head hard and as a result had this intense neck pain resulting in major headaches. Ok ok I am listening!!!

But I haven't been… it has taken me a long time to just sit down and say ok!!!! What?? Now i am asking and the lesson is a big one. First, I have felt blocked with my writing for a long time. I have always enjoyed writing and making up stories, but expressing myself on paper is also the thing I am most terrified to do! I mean, come on…. Could I be so vulnerable! People could judge and then read it again and judge again! And people can not like it! What then?

Something else though, is speaking truthfully. I always thought I did this, but then I started to realize how much I wasn't saying… out of fear. And when I smell fear, I go straight for that thing and dig and dig until I unearth what's going on (i’m kinda like a dog in the garden with a buried bone, but the bone is fear…). So I sat with it and meditated on it and realized this…I tailor my speaking to keep others happy and happy with me. The worst thing as a child would have been to piss someone off with what I really thought because then they would leave me (or so I thought even though I know my family unconditionally loved me and it would have been great to practice communicating clearly with them as a child, but alas I did not.) That's a big one when you are 6 years old and then it's still a big one when you're 41. I also find that I am so used to being around other people who don't want to piss people off so are also only saying what others want to hear or only half the truth to keep the peace (like attracts like, right?) that when someone does speak the full truth to me, I feel like they are a being super harsh or mighty nasty when really they are just being clear or even assertive. Yikes! When did I lose the ability to see clearly on this stuff? Clarity in Communication is everything! It is the ultimate way that we interact. That is why I have become so reliant on feeling others rather than listening to what they say. I used to listen to what they said and so many times it didn't match up. Feeling is much more to the point but can also be very confusing for people who feel strongly.

This was/is me…someone tells me something and I want to trust everyone that they are being authentic and real and honest… but then I feel something different from them than what they are saying. Now I am confused because those two things don't match up… then I don't trust that person or myself. And you can imagine where not trusting anyone else or yourself can lead? So this understanding has been a doozy for me. How do I speak authentically so my energy and my words match impeccably? Words are everything! Every word is a prayer. Energetically, every word puts into the world what we are manifesting whether we want it or not.

This impeccable authenticity is also difficult because we can't go through the world screaming at people because they have made us mad. This is something we learn we can't do at a young age (although I could have done a lot more screaming and a lot less stuffing of that anger in my life). So what is the happy place between blasting our emotions everywhere for the world to see and speaking clearly about our feelings to others? This is called congruence. Feeling it and speaking it in a grounded,centered, honest way….

Good luck to all as we go out into the world and practice in this school called life. It also helps to be vulnerable and honest about your journey. Saying that you are working on your ability to speak clearly without over or under expressing is even more honest. Blessings to all as we live through these lessons! Keep it real!

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